You dont know what war i.., p.1
You Don't Know What War Is, page 1
For Granny
Foreword
You don’t know what war is.
It’s a good title, a statement, a challenge – words spoken from the heart of someone who does know. We read this book and hear Yeva’s voice, loud and clear, telling us the truth. After we have read it, we may still not know what war is, but we understand so much more how it is for those, young and old, families and communities, who have lived through war and are still living through it today. Once read, we will have lived it with Yeva, through her words. Once read, we don’t forget. Yeva’s utterly compelling story stays with us: one young writer’s descent from everyday life into hell, and ultimately, into salvation.
I have written often about war in my stories: ancient wars; world wars; of man’s inhumanity to man; of our courage to fight on when all seems lost; of our ability to endure suffering and grief; of our will to survive, to make peace and seek reconciliation. But I have never known war, not at first hand as Yeva has.
I was born in 1943. I was evacuated, was in a sense a refugee, but I have no memory of it. I grew up in post-war London, and that I do remember. There was the ruin of war all about me, a bombsite next to our house where we played – played war-games mostly. There was grief in my mother’s face when she spoke of her brother Pieter, who was a wonderful young actor, killed in the RAF aged twenty-one. His photo was always gazing out at me from our mantlepiece. I never knew him. But I know and remember his face now better than any other relative. He stayed the same, never grew old.
Then there was the wounded soldier I’d see on the way to school, sitting on the pavement outside the shop, medals pinned on his jacket, his dog curled up beside him. I’d cross the street often, partly to avoid the dog, but mostly so that I didn’t have to look again at his neatly folded empty trouser leg and be reminded again of what war did to human flesh.
My whole family was fractured by war. My father survived it, but his marriage to my mother didn’t. War lingers on, goes on wrecking lives, I discovered, long after the fighting has stopped. So it is hardly surprising that I have often written about war, and about our longing for an end to it, for reconciliation and peace.
It is not surprising either that this unique book of Yeva’s has made such a huge impression on me. No fiction I could write about war can carry the same intensity or power as her first-hand account of the shattering effect of war on her life, on her family, her friends, her community, her country. Here is an insight into war as it happens to her, as the world falls about around her.
For us all, Yeva’s diary is a reminder that war is not a story told by journalists, nor by TV or films or history or fiction. It is lived day-by-day, night-by-night. In Yeva’s book it is lived viscerally, in front of our eyes, becomes immediate, will not allow us to look away. Lives and worlds are destroyed. Yeva, like Anne Frank, speaks a truth that all of us, young and old, must listen to. Her words will bring understanding, and in time, reconciliation, because anyone who reads them will know and remember what war really is for those who live it, and will remind us too that hope does spring eternal.
Michael Morpurgo
July, 2022
Key
1.Yeva's flat
2.Yeva's school
3.Inna's house
4.Nikolsky Mall
5.Assumption Cathedral
6.Central Bus Station
7.Derzhprom
8.Feldman Ecopark
9.Freedom Square
10.Gorky Park
11.Kharkiv Airport
12.Kharkiv City Children's Hospital
13.Kharkiv Train Station
14.Kharkiv University
15.Kharkiv Zoo
16.Monkey Fountain
17.Opera and Ballet Theatre
18.Prospekt Haharina Metro Station
19.Kharkiv Ring Road
20.Shevchenko City Gardens
21.Svyato-Pokrovsky Monastery
22.The Wedding Palace
Prologue
Everyone knows the word ‘war’. But very few people understand what it truly means. You might say that it’s horrible and frightening, but you don’t know the true scale of fear it brings. And so, when you find you suddenly have to face it, you feel totally lost, walled in by fright and despair. All of your plans are interrupted without warning by destruction. Until you’ve been there, you don’t know what war is.
BEFORE
14 February 2022
LEADERS IN FINAL PUSH TO AVERT
UKRAINE INVASION
- The Times
BIDEN’S NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER
SAYS RUSSIA COULD INVADE UKRAINE
‘ANY DAY NOW’
- CNN
PRESIDENT DECLARES FEB. 16 UNITY DAY
FOR UKRAINIANS
- Kyiv Post
COUNTDOWN TO WAR
- Daily Mirror
My Birthday • My Life
I wake up early on the morning of 14 February. Today is my birthday. I’m twelve – almost a teenager! There’s a surprise in my room: balloons! Five of them! There’s a silver one, a pink one, a gold one and even a couple that are turquoise. I feel excited, knowing there will be more surprises to come.
Messages are popping up on my phone from people wishing me a happy birthday. Seven people have already texted before I leave the flat. I’m eager to get to school, and when I arrive everyone stops in the corridor to say happy birthday to me. I smile from ear-to-ear all day long until eventually my face actually starts to hurt. I’m celebrating my birthday on Saturday by having a bowling party at Nikolsky Mall. I’ve given out the invitations and everyone is excited!
After school, I arrive home. I live with my Granny Iryna, but when Mum comes to visit from Turkey, I stay with her at my other grandparents’, Granny Zyna and Grandad Yosip. Mum’s here for my birthday but Dad lives and works abroad and couldn’t come this time. Granny Iryna, my aunt and uncle and my little cousin come round for a special birthday tea. I play a waltz by Tchaikovsky and Beethoven’s Für Elise on the piano. Everyone listens; it feels very peaceful. Then, we have a tea of snacks and sandwiches and, the best part of all, a tasty cake with candles on it!
The day has finally arrived! My twelfth birthday! Here I am surrounded by gifts at my bowling party. I'm so lucky.
19 February
The day has finally come and we are going bowling. I love it so much! Launching the heavy balls. Getting high scores. Having fun! We arrive and I meet up with my friends. Many of them give me gifts of money. But one of my classmates really goes above and beyond … he gives me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and this small, elegant, Italian-made silver chain with a pendant. The joy I feel has no bounds. I thank him a million times and I hope he sees the sincerity in my eyes.
We start the game. I’m first and I’m doing very well because I’ve been bowling before. I feel quite competitive! I enjoy rolling the ball and I’m impatient for my turn to come round again. Olha is doing great too. Kostya launches the ball at the speed of light but doesn’t seem to care about the direction he’s throwing it in, so he’s not doing very well. Taras has a very curious approach – he thinks he’ll get a strike if he takes a running start, and it actually ends up working. I win one of the two rounds, but in the end, despite my competitive feeling, it doesn’t really matter who wins, it’s just nice to be all together.
20 February
Then comes the next day and Mum goes back to Turkey. My parents separated when I was two and I’ve been living with Granny Iryna ever since. We’re very happy together – just the two of us.
My life is busy. I attend an English class twice a week and I am really enjoying learning the language. Every Sunday, I go down to the city centre for my piano lessons. I pass old houses with large windows and the Wedding Palace, which was built in 1913 – but the thing I like most about the area is all the shops.
Kharkiv1 has loads of beautiful places: the city centre, the Shevchenko City Garden, the zoo and Gorky Park. The Shevchenko Garden is especially beautiful and has an amazing musical fountain with monkeys playing different instruments. There’s also a really cool dolphinarium nearby where you can go and visit dolphins and beluga whales. There is a beautifully paved street that leads up to the Derzhprom, a group of tall buildings in Freedom Square,2 and whenever Granny and I need to soothe our souls, we visit the Svyato-Pokrovsky Monastery.
Painting is one of my favourite hobbies.
Me in my Kharkiv flat, ready for school.
I am happy at school. I really enjoy learning and having a laugh with my friends, and I always try not to be late for my lessons. I love the breaks between lessons, especially the longer ones, because I always have tons of fun with my best friends, Evhen and Olha – we run wild around the school, spinning about like little rockets.3 My favourite subjects are geography, maths, English and German. Once the lessons are over, my friends and I walk home together.
I love the living room at mine and Granny Iryna’s flat. It’s very cosy, with comfy armchairs. I do my homework on a cute little desk, and I’ve got my easel and oil paints right in the middle of the room. Whenever I feel inspired, I sit down and paint. In the bedroom, I always have my favourite cuddly toy – a pink cat – on the bed. The cat is long (like a sausage), white-bellied and I call her Chupapelya. I don’t know why I named her that, or what it even means, but it just stuck.
The windows in the living room look out towards the city and the windows in the bedroom face some houses and huge empty fields that lead on to the border wi
Granny’s flat has a big kitchen filled with Italian furniture. There’s a tall palm tree in a pot in the corner – we have a lot of plants – and I also really enjoy taking nice warm baths in our huge tub with massage jets. It’s such a lovely home and in a great neighbourhood in the north-eastern outskirts of Kharkiv.
I often have lots of homework. Once I’m done with it, I turn on the TV. And then, I fall into a carefree sleep.
And that’s how life is. Sure, there have been some rumours and murmurings about Russia, but they’re just that: words. Life on 14 February is normal. And on the 15th, 16th, 17th … and up until the early hours of 24 February 2022, my life is peaceful.
War In Ukraine
24 February 2022
UKRAINE DECLARES STATE OF
EMERGENCY BEFORE POSSIBLE
RUSSIAN INVASION
- Irish Times
DISTANT BOOMS HEARD IN KHARKIV,
UKRAINE’S SECOND-LARGEST CITY
- Washington Post
RUSSIA ON A ‘PATH OF EVIL’, SAYS
UKRAINE PM ZELENSKY
- CNN
RUSSIAN GROUND FORCES CROSS
INTO UKRAINE
- Kyiv Post
WORLD FACES ‘MOMENT
OF PERIL’ SAYS UN
- Independent
Day 1
The Beginning • Horror • War • The Fear in My Eyes
The night had been very ordinary. I was sleeping soundly. But then, for some reason, I woke suddenly very early in the morning. I decided to leave the bedroom and try sleeping in the living room. I laid on the sofa, closed my eyes and started drifting off.
5:10 a.m. I was woken suddenly by a loud metallic sound that echoed through the streets. At first, I thought it was a car being crushed into scrap metal, which would have been weird because I don’t live near a scrapyard.
Then I realised it was an explosion.
I saw that Granny was standing by the window, looking toward the Russian border. She was watching missiles flying over the fields. All of a sudden, a massive rocket sped by and exploded with such force that I felt my heart go cold in my chest.
Car alarms were going off. Granny was trying to stay calm. She came over, saying, ‘Is Putin really starting a war with Ukraine?’
I was in complete shock. I didn’t know what to say. I knew Granny was telling the truth, but it was very hard to believe. I’ve grown up hearing about war, but I’ve never been in one. I was terrified.
We didn’t have time to think. No one had told us what we should do if a war broke out. None of us were prepared for a war. Not I, not Granny, not our neighbours. We just knew we had to leave the flat and get to our basement.
My hands were shaking, my teeth rattling. I felt squashed by fear. I realised I was having my first ever panic attack. Granny kept trying to calm me down, telling me I needed to focus. Before we left, Granny put a gold crucifix pendant around my neck. I got the necklace when I was christened and I’ve never worn it. Then Granny hid her jewellery box away in the wardrobe.
I checked my phone. A discussion about what was happening had broken out on our school chat.
Once we were ready, we headed for the basement. When we got inside, I started having the panicky feeling again – I couldn’t breathe, my hands turned cold and sweaty.
The war had begun.
Explosions, noises, my heart beating loudly – I couldn’t think through the fear and noise. Tears were welling up in my eyes – I was afraid for my loved ones and for myself.
Our basement wasn’t built to be a bomb shelter. There were hot and cold pipes all over the place. Tons of dust. A very low ceiling. Tiny windows that looked up to street level. Men stacked sandbags to block them so that no one would get hurt by flying shards of glass if there was a blast. There were quite a few people down there.
After a while, once it all got quiet, I mustered up the courage to leave the basement and go outside. I took my phone out and turned on the news. People were gathering, talking loudly, trying to make sense of what was going on. But then … shelling, sharp and frequent. We bolted back down to the basement, which is now our bomb shelter.
Then, a third panic attack, tears, more explosions than I could count …
06:22
Nadya
Did you hear the sounds?
06:23
Yeva
Yes
06:23
Yeva
I'm scared
06:23
Myron
OMG!
06:31
Misha
I'm really scared
06:31
Tolya
I'm afraid of explosions near my house
06:32
Tolya
A hundred metres away
06:32
Myron
I saw tanks
06:32
Myron
Another explosion
06:32
Myron
And another
06:33
Misha
Yeah
06:33
Myron
Crap so what do we do now
06:34
Ruslan
Don't worry guys
06:34
Ruslan
Just keep calm
06:34
Myron
Genius. Easy!
06:34
Ruslan
I pray to god that everything will be OK
06:34
Misha
Yeah
06:47
Yeva
Hello everyone, I went outside and it smells of burning
11:30 a.m. Our neighbour went to the shops to withdraw some cash from an ATM, but had no luck – there were Ukrainian fighters with machine guns there, then explosions were going off again and people started running back home. Terrified, our neighbour ran back too. They said there were Ukrainian snipers on the roofs of the apartment blocks.
Hearing this, I rang all of my friends to find out how they were doing. Some of their experiences have been very intense.
My friend from school, Maryna, said it took her ages to get to a bomb shelter because the traffic was so terrible. Olha is holed up at home saying she’s not going anywhere. One of my classmates felt his building shake. Another had a bomb explode 100 metres from his house. He felt his windows rattling.
And it is only the beginning of this hell.
12:30 p.m. I persuaded Granny to pop back home for a bit. We had a quick wash and lunch. I grabbed my diary because I want to start writing things down as they are happening. I also took my laptop, paper and pencils in case I want to draw, a bit of food and some pillows and blankets. Then we went back to the basement.
3:20 p.m. We’re hearing rumours that thirty minutes from now there will be planes, troops and bombs.
4 p.m. Nothing’s happened yet. Everyone’s anxiously looking at each other.
Sunny days never used to surprise me. A peaceful sky was nothing out of the ordinary. But it’s all changed now. Before, when I’d hear about children being caught up in military combat, I never quite understood how terrible it was. I see it differently now that I’ve had to spend five hours holed up in a basement. I feel it clearly, with a sense of pain and dread. The world has changed to me; it has all new colours. The blue sky, bright sun, fresh air – it all seems so beautiful. I know now that we should rejoice in it all.
Every hour there’s a new rumour on the news. One of them, which I believed at the time, made me think that writing this diary might end up being a waste of time. It was a rumour that Russia had withdrawn its forces from Ukraine and Kharkiv had defended its independence. However, it was quickly proven false because we heard more explosions and shelling.
Right now, I have only one question on my mind: what will the night be like? I’ve been told that in wartime, nights and mornings are the most frightening because you never know what to expect. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
