Finding peace, p.26
Finding Peace, page 26
A few of the customers cheer, but it doesn’t look like quite the excitement he was hoping for. He kisses my cheek and heads for the exit. “I’m leaving in a few hours for New York—the Goodhampton negotiations are wrapping up. I’ll see you at game night and we can talk more about this then.”
“Or you can call me and give me details tonight, mister,” I say.
He nods. “I will.”
And he does, but it turns out he doesn’t really care which location I work at—or if I quit. “I was just teasing Barbara in there,” he says. “She’s paranoid that if we open this new location, you’ll abandon her. She wants to hire someone to manage the new spot so she doesn’t have to step out of the familiar into the unknown. I think the new location will need her there at least a few days a week.”
“I know I said I wouldn’t quit,” I say. “But with all the writing I’ve been doing lately, I’ve actually thought about surrendering my apron.”
“Oh, wow.” Ethan’s quiet. “I had no idea.”
“You can still get omelettes without me there.”
“But it’s the company I love.”
I laugh. “I’ll be able to go with you to get food.”
“I do like that idea,” he says.
He’s so busy that week that I get a lot of writing done. Phoebe’s delighted. “This one is even better than the last. Oh, Anica. I see another auction in your future, and I am not going to let this one go so low.”
“Maybe we sit on it for a bit,” I say. “Better not to flood the market with Anica Maggards.”
She laughs. “We can discuss it—but there are other imprints who are still annoyed that they missed the last one.”
I take my time getting ready for game night, since I haven’t seen Ethan since Monday. But then Amy pokes her head through the door. “Hey, Aunt Anica.”
My hand pauses, the mascara brush suspended in midair. “Is everything okay?” She doesn’t usually just shoot into my room like that.
“Yeah, but Mom’s kind of freaking out. I thought you might be able to help.”
“Of course.” I stuff my makeup back in the bag and run a brush through my hair. Good enough.
I follow the noise into the kitchen where Mary—calm, cool, collected Mary—is crying over a bowl of half-mixed guacamole.
“Hey, Mary, are you okay?”
She looks up at me and blinks. “None of these avocados are alright. This guacamole is trash.”
“Uh, why are you crying, though?”
“Because I don’t have any other snacks.” She throws her hands up in the air. “I’m the only one who ever hosts! Why is that?”
I walk the rest of the way across the room and gently take the bowl away from her. She’s not wrong—the guacamole looks disgusting. I scrape it into the trash. “I’ll come up with something, but people bring stuff too, usually.”
She hiccups and a thought hits me.
“Hey.” I wrap an arm around her shoulders, trying to soothe her from what is undeniably an overreaction. “Is there a chance you might be pregnant again?”
“Excuse me?” Her eyebrow pops up so fast I almost scramble away from her in fear. When Mary pins you with the eye, you don’t last long.
“I’m sorry.” I step away. “It’s just that when Lizzie was expecting she got a little moody.”
She scowls. “I’m sorry, I have a bad day and suddenly I’m pregnant?”
I shake my head. “No, I have no idea. I was just asking.”
“I’m still nursing,” she says. “So, no.”
Uh. “Please tell me that you’re also using birth control.”
“I’m nursing,” she says.
Hm. “Okay.” I’ll have to mention the possibility to Luke.
“Oh, no.” She leans against the counter. “Am I pregnant? I can’t be pregnant. Jack isn’t even a year old yet.” Her face looks white.
“I’ll just run grab a test,” I say. “If you want me to, that is.”
She waves at me, and I rush to my car. Which, of course, since this is important and I’m in a hurry, won’t start. I sneak back inside. “So, any chance I could take your car? Mine won’t start.”
“Oh my gosh, you have got to get a new car. That thing is a total piece of junk.” Mary practically chucks her keys at me.
I really hope she’s pregnant. Otherwise she’s had a complete personality lobotomy without any reason. Luckily, the local drug store is close. I’m getting back just as Rob and Brekka show up, baby Ruth in a car seat, Rob swinging her back and forth like she’s weightless. “Hey guys.”
“Whatcha got?” Rob looks at my bag.
Luckily, I’ve already come up with an excuse. “Bean dip and queso. None of the avocados were any good.” I shrug.
“Good call.” Brekka smiles at me. “I feel like a mean game of monopoly tonight. How about you?”
Playing her at monopoly sucks. It’s like the root canal of game nights. “Only if Trig is playing too.” Watching those two lock horns is actually pretty entertaining.
“Duh.”
I smile. “Then, sure.”
Moments later, I’ve made up an excuse and ushered Mary into her room. “Don’t go.” She grabs my arm. “Can you wait in the room while I take this?”
“You can’t cheat on this test,” I say.
“No jokes.”
Okay, no sense of humor about this. Right.
I wait. And then I wait. And then I wait more. “Oh, man. Oh, man. How? Anica?” She shoots around the doorway to her bathroom, brandishing the test. “How?”
“Uh, so it’s a little awkward to explain this to you, but the guy has—”
“Eww, no. Stop. I said no jokes.” She tosses the test in the trash and sinks onto the bed, dropping her face in her hands. “I love Jack. So much. And Amy and Chase too, of course.”
“But you’re tired.”
She looks up. “I only started feeling like a person again a few months ago.” She closes her eyes. “And the nausea.”
I sit down next to her and take her hand. “It’s temporary. The shape of your family will last forever.”
She sighs. “You’re right.” She squeezes my hand again. “Of course you are. Luke will be giddy. Nothing makes him happier than kids. Babies. Whatever.” Her shoulders slump. “I may have to hire help, you know. We barely survived Jack.”
“Luckily, if you need to, you can afford it.” Oh, but I’ll need to move out. Which I can totally do. “It’s going to be a blessing, I promise.”
She nods. “I just need a minute. Can you tell them I’m on a call or something?”
“Of course. Should I send Luke back when he’s done with Jack?” Putting Jack to bed has become a whole ordeal. No one manages it as well as Luke.
“Yeah, please. I’m sure I’ll be able to summon some excitement by then.” She looks up at the ceiling. “Why am I such a dud?”
“It’s easy for me to be excited,” I say. “My body isn’t being taken over and I’m not the one who’s going to be puking.”
“Oh, the puking.” Mary groans. “But the baby smiles and the tiny outfits.”
“There are a lot of good parts,” I say. “And I’ll be here for whatever you need.”
She looks up at me. “You have been a Godsend, Anica. I mean that. Thank you. For being my friend. For being a great aunt, and for being a support for Luke, too. Your approval means a lot to him.” And she’s crying again.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for whatever you need.”
“I know that, too.” Mary smiles through her tears.
A moment later, when I hear a shout, I know that Luke’s delighted. It’s good at least one of them is happy. I’m sure Mary will come around, eventually.
“Is something going on?” Paisley asks as she crosses from the entryway into the kitchen.
“We’ve got a roach problem,” I say. “We’re looking into it.”
She drops the chip she was picking up back into the bowl. Ha! Paisley cracks me up.
Ethan shows up a few minutes later, and suddenly my day brightens by a factor of ten. He hands me a gorgeous bouquet. “I know I’m late, but I figured I should make time to bring you these.” Gerbera daisies. I hug them to my chest, and then head to the kitchen for a vase.
“Are you trying to make us look bad?” Paul asks. “Geez, dude. Knock it off.”
“I’ve been gone all week,” Ethan says. “I’m trying to make up for abandonment.”
“James was gone all week.” Paisley arches one eyebrow. “Are you taking notes, honey?”
He wraps his arms around her waist. “Totally. I am so excited to learn everything I can about how to keep my wife happy . . . from the guy who isn’t even engaged.”
Ouch, that one hurts a little. I jam the flowers into the vase and plonk it down in the center of the kitchen table.
“Alright.” Brekka rolls up to the counter. “I was promised a Monopoly game.”
James reaches for the box. “I call the do—”
“You always get the dog.” Paisley snatches it out of the box.
Before I can even reach the table, Geo, Brekka, Rob, Paul, Trudy, Trig, and Ethan have snatched all the pieces out of the box, leaving me with nothing. “I guess I’ll go cut up fruit or something,” I say. “Geez.”
“Or,” Ethan says. “Maybe you could play with this.” He drops something on the table. I lean closer.
And then my heart skips a beat. And then another.
It’s a diamond ring.
“If you were willing to marry me, I mean.” Ethan drops down on one knee.
I open my mouth.
“Ah, ah, ah. Do you have any idea how much pressure there is when you’re proposing to a bestselling author? You might even try to lay the groundwork a bit by making her think you’re doing it several different times. Just so she doesn’t see the plot twist coming.”
I inhale.
“Wait, did we miss it?” Mary comes running down the hall.
“We delayed as long as we could,” Brekka says. “Geez, how many cockroaches do you have in there?”
“Cockroaches?” Luke asks. “What are—”
“I’m kind of in the middle of something here,” Ethan says. “C’mon.”
“Right,” Luke says. “Sorry. Carry on, mate.”
Ethan takes my hand. “I have wanted to marry you since the day we got back together. I actually bought this ring that day and I’ve been carrying it around in my car, my pocket, and my briefcase. I thought I lost it twice.” He chuckles. “But I wanted to wait until I knew that you had faith in me.”
“Faith?” My eyes well with tears.
“You told me something the day after we got back together. You said that my fury would rise up, over and over, and I would have to learn to let it go. I didn’t want to ask you to build a family with me until you could trust that I always would, and that you were safe with me. But you know what I’ve decided?”
I shake my head.
“It wasn’t nearly as hard to let it go as I thought it would be, and I think it’s because you are my peace. From the day you came into my life, it was like all the crappy things that have happened to me didn’t matter anymore. If there is some kind of balance sheet in heaven, I think you more than offset the misery allocated to me. So for you, each and every day, come what may, I promise to set aside any anger, any irritation, any fury, any judgment and choose to forgive. For you, for our kids, and for the family we’ll create. Together.” He scowls playfully at Luke and the gathered audience. “And I guess for our friends too. I promise to keep my peace and my joy and my happiness with me forever . . . with you by my side. Please say you’ll marry me, Anica Maggard. Be my happily ever after.”
“Yes,” I say. “Yes, I will. Gladly.”
21
Anica
“I can’t believe you wanted to have the wedding here,” Geo says. “When your fiancé owns more than a hundred hotels, several of them much nicer than this.”
“Next month he’ll own a hundred and forty, once the acquisition goes through,” I say proudly.
“Who can keep up?” Mary asks.
“Not me,” Trudy says. “But believe me, James is keeping count. That guy never cared about hotels before, but he talks about them all the time now.”
“He’s too competitive,” I say. “That’s James’ problem.”
“It makes him who he is.” Paisley shrugs, but she likes it.
“I picked the Riviera Grand because it’s where we first met.” I look around and think about that day. Everything was so new then—my friendships tentative, my faith in myself almost nonexistent, and I judged Ethan by all the wrong measurements.
“You’re too sentimental,” Geo says. “I did the best I could, but. . . ” She looks around and shrugs. “We could have done a much nicer job at—”
“Hush.” Mary takes my arm. “It’s time.”
I follow her out into the hall where my dad is waiting. He looks so nice in his black tux. “Anica.” He kisses my forehead. “You’re even more beautiful than usual.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
My mom is next to him, her eyes alight with joy. “I’m so happy.”
“You look beautiful,” I say.
She waves her hand at me. “That’s my line.” But she’s smiling in a way I haven’t seen much since Lizzie died.
“Time,” Geo points.
And as if she’s somehow omnipotent, the wedding march begins. Most brides would have to gather up a train, but not me. I had my dress custom made to be cute and short, with a fluffy skirt, and pure white, including the tiny apron detail over the top. To remind me of the hours we spent together in the diner, falling in love one tiny bit at a time. As I served him, and he learned to trust me.
I walk, one steady step at a time, toward my beautiful-beyond-belief fiancé. He beams when he sees me. And I keep my eyes on him the entire walk to the front. My dad passes me off slowly. “Take care of my girl.”
“Of course,” Ethan says. “With everything I am.”
And then the pastor starts in with the service. I try to listen to every word, but I keep getting distracted by Ethan. He keeps squeezing my hand, raising his eyebrows at me, making wry faces, and winking.
“Knock it off,” I hiss.
“You love it.”
He’s right.
“If you two have prepared vows?” The white-haired pastor pauses.
Ethan jumps right in. “The first thing I knew about Anica is that she was a bestselling author. At the time, I thought, cool.” He laughs. “I had no idea how hard her job would make every event and every situation. Who wants to have their vows compared to the ones written by someone who literally writes love for their job?”
The audience laughs.
“But I long since gave up on any pretense of having insight or words that will compare to hers. So I’ll keep my vows short. Anica has done more than love me. She has repaired me. I thought I had been unlucky before meeting her, that I just hadn’t met the right girl. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t ready to love until she taught me how. She taught me that love isn’t just liking something, or even taking care of something. It’s forgiveness, and faith, and trust, and growth. It’s like growing a plant, except even more delicate. So my promise to her today, in front of all these witnesses, is that I’ll never allow the hectic nature of life to distract me from what matters more than anything else: earning her trust.”
I pause for a moment to drink in his words. He’s learned from me? I’ve learned so much more from him. “Ethan may have been stressed about what to say,” I start. “But imagine being an author and the expectations that the audience will have for what I share.” I laugh. “Most of you know that the tragic death of my sister wrecked every part of my life. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t love. I could barely function. Ethan’s crediting me with fixing him, but he had to do that himself, because it was all I could do to wake up and shower and comb my hair when we met.”
I look around the room. “I know this is my wedding, but one thing I’ve learned is that a wedding is about more than just two people getting married. When you choose to create a family, you’re taking on more than just one person. You’re taking on their family, too. I bet if you talk to Luke, he’ll tell you that’s absolutely true. Lizzie’s not even here anymore, and he’s still stuck with me.”
This time the audience laughs, but it’s soft, as if they feel guilty about it.
“I’d like to say thank you to the people who supported me, who built me up, and who showed me the importance of family and love and trust, so that I was able to find that with Ethan. And to you, my dear husband, I’d like to promise you that I will always and forever be there to yell at you when you mess up. Except unlike my first attempt, when I do it in the future, I’ll stick around to make sure you understood what I said.”
This time the laughter is real.
“And I promise that no matter how bumpy or circuitous the road ahead of us, we’ll take the trip together, every mile of the way.”
The pastor waits for a breath or two to make sure we’re done, and then he nods. “And do you, Miss Maggard, take Mr. Trainor to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I absolutely do.”
“And do you, Mr. Trainor, take Miss Maggard to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do.”
“Then I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Ethan’s smiling when he slides a ring on my finger alongside my engagement ring. And I’m beaming when I slide his over his knotty, callused finger. “Caught ya,” I whisper.
And then he kisses me.
He doesn’t stop kissing me until the pastor clears his throat.
Which is not nearly long enough, but luckily we’ve got plenty of time for that—a lifetime really.
The dancing and the cake go by in a blur, but I make sure to eat my burger and fries carefully so I don’t get ketchup stains on my dress.
“You forgot your salad.” Ethan sets a strawberry spinach salad next to me. “The spinach is full of vitamins. It almost offsets the metric ton of sugar in the dressing.”
I laugh. “You are always looking after me like that, Mr. Trainor. Many thanks.”
